I got a haircut for £4 the other day. Here is how I got on in the week:
Bristol City v Burnley - 2.5pts: CHARLIE AUSTIN TO SCORE ANYTIME – 11/8 +5.94
2pts: OVER 3.5 GOALS – 33/20 with SportingBet +5.30
0.5pts: OVER 4.5 GOALS – 4/1 +2.50
Peterborough v Huddersfield - 1pt: HUDDERSFIELD TO WIN – 7/5 -1.00
1pt: HUDDERSFIELD HT/FT – 16/5 -1.00
Shakhtar Donetsk v Chelsea - 2pts: BOTH TEAMS TO SCORE – 3/4 +3.50
0.6pts: MKHITARYAN TO SCORE FIRST – 7/1 -0.60
0.4pts: MKHITARYAN TO SCORE ANYTIME – 9/4 -0.40
Champions League Accumulator:
1pt: Man United, Bayern Munich, Man City, Arsenal, Porto - 10.87/1 -1.00
1pt: Huddersfield, Leicester, Palace - 13.14/1 -1.00
10 bets, Stake 12.00, Returns 17.24
Midweek Profit/loss: +5.24 (+44%)
Total Profit/loss (from a starting kitty of 11.25pts): +6.38 (+56%)
After a good midweek diary (badly needed) I’m pumped for the weekend. Swet like chocolate. Here’s what I’m on:
Stoke v Sunderland
Smoke draw? Smoke this: Stoke have drawn 5 of their 8 league games and Sunderland have shared the points in 5 of their 7 games. Backing the draw is tempting but I prefer a bet on Sunderland DNB. So far Martin O’Neill’s little black pussycats have played Man City, Liverpool, Arsenal and Newcastle. They have only been beaten once this season and Stoke aren’t any of the above. Sunderland are capable of going to Stoke Mandeville and coming back V plates intact.
2 pts: SUNDERLAND TO WIN (DRAW NO BET) – 21/10 with BetVictor
Bristol City v Hull
I had a right touch on Tuesday night buying goals in the Bristol City v Burnley game. Bristol City games are averaging a whopping 4.08 goals per game so far this season and believe me these boys can’t defend (conceded 16 goals in 6 home games). There are more suicides in Hull than anywhere on the planet. I’m not surprised it sounds worse than Woolwich. Hull have been drawing at Half-Time in 7 of their 12 games this season. Bristol City have been drawing at the break in 8 of their 12 games. Let’s buy goals but also back the HT draw and Bristol City collapsing like they did (lost in the 96th minute) on Tuesday.
1.5 pts: OVER 2.5 GOALS - 5/6 with Bwin
0.2 pts: HT DRAW, FT HULL – 11/2 with Ladbrokes
Middlesbrough v Bolton
There is a big empty stadium in the middle of nowhere. After a shit start a bit of momentum is building in front of about nine dozen miserable fat dudes. Boro have won 3 on the bounce and can make it 4 at home to Bolton. Don’t be a homophobe this has got 3 points written all over it at normal straight man prices. Starlight express.
1pt: BORO TO WIN – 13/8 with Boylesports and BetFred
Everton v Liverpool
I lived with a scouse woman for about 3 years. Red or blue? Neither. She was white. Liverpool have kept three clean sheets in a row and Everton are fully capable of keeping one. Just for an interest in the maresyside derby I’m covering the 0-0.
0.2pts: NO GOALSCORER – 21/2 with BetVictor
0.8 pts: BOTH TEAMS TO SCORE: NO – 6/5 with StanJames
Southampton v Spurs
Imagine a black man being thrown out of a football ground for throwing a banana at Gareth Bale. Now imagine Gareth Bale enjoying his homecoming and babyshower so much he bangs in a hat trick on Sunday. I can see both. That is the state of the country. I am buzzing off 100% pure old skool street garage vibes on Gareth Bale recreating his youth here. He was just growing wings and believe me this big eared prick will have a blinder.
1pt: GARETH BALE TO SCORE ANYTIME – 2/1 with Ladbrokes, BlueSq and 888sport
0.2 pts: BALE TO SCORE A HAT TRICK – 66/1 with PaddyPower
Chelsea v Man United
This kick racism out of football campaign reminds me of a young Michael Jackson. Angry, confused and dangerous. Bad combo. One combo I don’t like for United is Chelsea pouring forward combined with United just not defending. Fergie’s drunk little old man jumps and handclaps have got so enjoyable for him that he just loves goals he doesn’t even care who scores this guy is the goal lord. United are fucking apeshit. I’m getting a boner. This game should be sweet like chocolate.
2 pts: BOTH TEAMS TO SCORE – 8/13 with Stan James
2 pts: OVER 2.5 GOALS – 8/11 with 188bet
The very best of luck to everybody betting on the football this weekend we can’t all be lucky but we can all try.
Send me racist or sexist abuse to my twitter @drtwerp - I don’t mind.
Have a bet. Just imagine if the world DOES end in 2012. Almost. Armageddon comes and you are the last man alive. But you had a vasectomy. Fuck that. Be a hero.
Don’t call me babe.
I MISS HER