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Diary of a Punter: Another Profitable Weekend for the Dr.

Diary of a Punter: Another Profitable Weekend for the Dr.

Dr Twerps Doll Diary of a Punter: Another Profitable Weekend for the Dr.

For the sixth surgery running I have brought you profit. No one brings me flowers. I’m just a lonely Nigerian woman with a leather waistcoat. My hair never dries and it holds water for days. Sir Alex Ferguson needs to forget the hairdryer treatment and start giving his players the I-fucked-your-bird treatment.

With the exception of calling the United game wrong, I had another blinder. Here is how I got on:

Arsenal  v Tottenham – 3pts: BOTH TEAMS TO SCORE – 8/15 +4.60
                                       0.5pts: CAULKER TO SCORE ANYTIME – 16/1 VOID BET +0.50
                                     0.25pts: TOTTENHAM HT/ARSENAL FT – 25/1 -0.25

Liverpool v Wigan – 1.5pts: SECOND HALF TO BE HIGHEST SCORING – 11/10 +3.15
                                   0.5pts: WIGAN TO WIN – 7/1 -0.50
                                  0.25pts: DRAW HT/ WIGAN FT – 17/1 -0.25
                                  0.25pts: HALF-TIME SCORE: 0-0 – 5/2 +0.87

Norwich v United  – 1pt: UNITED TO WIN “TO NIL” – 19/10 -1.00

Reading v Everton – 0.5pts: DRAW – 14/5 -0.50
                                    1pt: FELLAINI TO SCORE ANYTIME – 15/8  -1.00
                                    2pts: BOTH TEAMS TO SCORE – 4/6 with +3.33

Bristol City v Blackpool – 0.5pts: BLACKPOOL TO WIN “TO NIL” –19/5 -0.50

Crystal Palace v Derby  -3pts: PALACE TO WIN – 22/23 +5.87
                                             1pt: PALACE TO WIN (-1) – 11/4 +3.75

Millwall v Leeds – 3pts: MILLWALL TO WIN – Evens +6.00

Accumulator:
0.25pts: PALACE, MILLWALL, BOURNEMOUTH, ARSENAL – 11.62/1 +3.16

Draw treble:
0.25pts: WEST BROM, READING, FULHAM – 52.15/1 -0.25

16 bets, Stake 18.75, Returns 31.23

Weekend Profit/Loss: +12.48 (+67%)

Total Profit/Loss (from starting kitty of 11.25): 46.02 (+34.77) (+309%)

What a weekend. After getting my pants pulled down by Luis Suarez at the final hurdle last weekend (denying me a big single on Chelsea and my accumulator), this time Millwall pulled them up at the very last minute. Redemption Song. Six straight profits now make me +309% in 10 weeks and I am bouncing along nicely.  Keen to strike while the iron is hot, starting with Nev’s big MNF moment, here are my bets for midweek:

Monday 19th November

West Ham v Stoke

Gary Neville loves a bit of defending and if my supercomputer’s calculations are correct he will enjoy tonight. At home West Ham have already shut out Aston Villa, free-scoring Fulham and free-spending City. Free Nelson Mandela.  They have also kept clean sheets at Norwich and most recently away at Newcastle. Five clean sheets in 11 games and two in a row. Similarly, Stoke have kept five clean ones in the same amount of games. Only one of these has come away from home however (0-0 at Anfield) and Stoke have only won one premier league game away from home since 2011 ended. When all is said and done, West Ham games are averaging 2.27 goals per game this season and Stoke games averaging just 1.73. Anytime goalscorer bets (as much as I want to back Kevin Nolan) should be reserved for games that look a lot more open than this one and taking into account West Ham’s home form (p6 w3) and Stoke’s away form (p6 L3) I’m happy to have small stakes on a 1-0 home win.  Have a bang on that.

2.5pts: UNDER 2.5 GOALS – 4/5 with Stan James

0.5pts: WEST HAM WIN 1-0 – 6/1 with Totesport

Tuesday 20th November

BATE v Lille

With Lille sitting rock-bottom of Group F without a point, the last thing this bunch of melts need is a trip to Belarus against a team who; a) need a win, b) beat Lille 1-3 in France and c) won their last two home games  3-1 and 5-1. Lille have completely flopped in the Champions League this season and I can’t see them going to Belarus and getting anything. They folded in Munich getting flogged 6-1 and I like the look of the boys from Borisov to beat shitty little Lille once again.

2pts: BATE TO WIN – 5/6 with Sky Bet

Wednesday 21st November

Man City v Real Madrid

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems. This is the big one for New Money. Somehow, after being completely dogshit in the Champions League this season they can get out of their group with two wins. They were five minutes away from beating Old Money away, losing 3-2 and I fancy they might do the job here. Whilst Draw No Bet would normally appeal to me as it offers an extra layer of security – a draw is no good to City here (they drew at home to Ajax and Dortmund) so I’m a HomeOwner here. Both Teams To Score has landed in all 4 of both City’s and Real’s games in the Champions League this season and it will again here. Whilst City have finally kept a couple of clean sheets this season, both sides are stronger attacking than defending and both sides have seen plenty of goals in their group games so far (City: 15 and Real: 17).

4pts: BOTH TEAMS TO SCORE – 1/2 with Bet365

1pt: CITY TO WIN – 23/10 with William Hill

0.5pts: MAN CITY TO WIN 3-2 – 28/1 with Stan James

Enjoy the football this midweek Twerps. Be careful betting on teams that may or may not have already qualified and/or may or may not want to end up qualifying for the Europa League.

I MISS HER
 

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